Imposter Syndrome, Begone

I am having severe imposter syndrome right now.

I mean, what if I’m not good enough for a PhD?

I keep feeling like I should live and breathe academia, but the truth is, I don’t. I love so many things; academia is just one aspect of my life. But what if that’s wrong? What if I should be more passionate? Should I be reading research papers every day? Should I be annotating original texts with thoughts and ideas?

(I kind of do that anyway, but still.)

I’m going into my Master’s degree not knowing what to specialise in. I think it might be medieval literature, but what if it’s not? What if it turns out to be language, or history, or an interdisciplinary mix that makes no sense to anyone but me?

I can’t even read Latin, let alone any other medieval language. I was never offered it during my undergraduate degree and I can’t help but wonder if that will hold me back. I don’t want to be held back. Damn it, I want that PhD. I want to get a 70+ for every single Master’s assessment. I want to ace my classes, be passionate about my medieval loves.

And I want to do my PhD at Oxford or Cambridge. Both have amazing PhD provision, and I know I can do it.

But I’m so worried that my undergraduate degree result will hinder that. It’s been a stressful, personally disastrous three years and I came out with a degree classification that most Master’s programmes wouldn’t even look at.

(Yes, I have a degree, and I recognise that I’m lucky. But I’m still frustrated as fuck.)

I honestly don’t know what the next year has in store for me, but I am not going to let it be horrific. I am going to succeed and be brilliant, just like I know I can be.

Because I bloody well deserve it.


The Elements Book Tag

The Books

Book Haul | March 2015

It’s a big ‘un again. Grab a cuppa and come sit by my fire.

(No, I have not read much Silverstein.)

Books mentioned:

  1. The Archived
  2. An Astronaut’s Guide To Life On Earth
  3. The Beggar’s Opera & Polly
  4. The Book of Imaginary Beings
  5. The Boy Who Lost Fairyland
  6. A Brief History of Time
  7. The Children of Húrin
  8. The Complete English Poems
  9. A Confederacy of Dunces
  10. The Darkest Part of The Forest
  11. The English Patient
  12. Good Omens
  13. Gwynne’s Latin
  14. Hold Your Own
  15. The Invisible Library
  16. Little Boy Lost
  17. Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children
  18. On Beauty
  19. Palimpsest
  20. Pride & Prejudice
  21. The Rainbow
  22. The Raven Boys
  23. The Raven’s Head
  24. Reasons To Stay Alive
  25. Ross Poldark
  26. The Sandman Volume 1
  27. The Stories of English
  28. Stung With Love
  29. Theogony & Works & Days
  30. The Time In Between
  31. The Turn of The Screw & The Aspern Papers
  32. Unfinished Tales
  33. Vicious
  34. Viper Wine
  35. White Teeth
  36. 2001: A Space Odyssey