Imposter Syndrome, Begone

I am having severe imposter syndrome right now.

I mean, what if I’m not good enough for a PhD?

I keep feeling like I should live and breathe academia, but the truth is, I don’t. I love so many things; academia is just one aspect of my life. But what if that’s wrong? What if I should be more passionate? Should I be reading research papers every day? Should I be annotating original texts with thoughts and ideas?

(I kind of do that anyway, but still.)

I’m going into my Master’s degree not knowing what to specialise in. I think it might be medieval literature, but what if it’s not? What if it turns out to be language, or history, or an interdisciplinary mix that makes no sense to anyone but me?

I can’t even read Latin, let alone any other medieval language. I was never offered it during my undergraduate degree and I can’t help but wonder if that will hold me back. I don’t want to be held back. Damn it, I want that PhD. I want to get a 70+ for every single Master’s assessment. I want to ace my classes, be passionate about my medieval loves.

And I want to do my PhD at Oxford or Cambridge. Both have amazing PhD provision, and I know I can do it.

But I’m so worried that my undergraduate degree result will hinder that. It’s been a stressful, personally disastrous three years and I came out with a degree classification that most Master’s programmes wouldn’t even look at.

(Yes, I have a degree, and I recognise that I’m lucky. But I’m still frustrated as fuck.)

I honestly don’t know what the next year has in store for me, but I am not going to let it be horrific. I am going to succeed and be brilliant, just like I know I can be.

Because I bloody well deserve it.

The Elements Book Tag

The Books

Book Haul | March 2015

It’s a big ‘un again. Grab a cuppa and come sit by my fire.

(No, I have not read much Silverstein.)

Books mentioned:

  1. The Archived http://www.bookdepository.com/Archived-Victoria-Schwab/9781423171089
  2. An Astronaut’s Guide To Life On Earth http://www.bookdepository.com/Astronauts-Guide-Life-on-Earth-Chris-Hadfield/9780316253031
  3. The Beggar’s Opera & Polly http://www.bookdepository.com/Beggars-Opera-Polly-John-Gay/9780199642229
  4. The Book of Imaginary Beings http://www.bookdepository.com/Book-Imaginary-Beings-Jorge-Luis-Borges/9780099442639
  5. The Boy Who Lost Fairyland http://www.bookdepository.com/Boy-Who-Lost-Fairyland-Catherynne-Valente/9781250023490
  6. A Brief History of Time http://www.bookdepository.com/Brief-History-Time-Stephen-Hawking/9780857501004
  7. The Children of Húrin http://www.bookdepository.com/Children-Hurin-Tolkien/9780007597338
  8. The Complete English Poems http://www.bookdepository.com/Complete-English-Poems-John-Donne/9780140422092
  9. A Confederacy of Dunces http://www.bookdepository.com/Confederacy-Dunces-John-Kennedy-Toole/9780141182865
  10. The Darkest Part of The Forest http://www.bookdepository.com/Darkest-Part-Forest-Holly-Black/9781780621739
  11. The English Patient http://www.bookdepository.com/English-Patient-Michael-Ondaatje/9780747572596
  12. Good Omens http://www.bookdepository.com/Good-Omens-Neil-Gaiman/9780552171892
  13. Gwynne’s Latin http://www.bookdepository.com/Gwynnes-Latin-NM-Gwynne/9780091957438
  14. Hold Your Own http://www.bookdepository.com/Hold-Your-Own-Kate-Tempest/9781447241218
  15. The Invisible Library http://www.bookdepository.com/Invisible-Library-Genevieve-Cogman/9781447256236
  16. Little Boy Lost http://www.bookdepository.com/Little-Boy-Lost-Marghanita-Laski/9781906462055
  17. Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children http://www.bookdepository.com/Miss-Peregrines-Home-for-Peculiar-Children-Ransom-Riggs/9781594746031
  18. On Beauty http://www.bookdepository.com/On-Beauty-Zadie-Smith/9780141019451
  19. Palimpsest http://www.bookdepository.com/Palimpsest-Catherynne-Valente/9780553385762
  20. Pride & Prejudice http://www.bookdepository.com/Pride-Prejudice-Jane-Austen/9780141439518
  21. The Rainbow http://www.bookdepository.com/Rainbow-Lawrence/9780141441382
  22. The Raven Boys http://www.bookdepository.com/Raven-Boys-Maggie-Stiefvater/9781407134611
  23. The Raven’s Head http://www.bookdepository.com/Ravens-Head-Karen-Maitland/9781472215062
  24. Reasons To Stay Alive http://www.bookdepository.com/Reasons-Stay-Alive-Matt-Haig/9781782115083
  25. Ross Poldark http://www.bookdepository.com/Ross-Poldark-Winston-Graham/9781447281528
  26. The Sandman Volume 1 http://www.bookdepository.com/Sandman-Preludes-Nocturnes-01-Neil-Gaiman/9781401225759
  27. The Stories of English http://www.bookdepository.com/Stories-English-David-Crystal/9780141015934
  28. Stung With Love http://www.bookdepository.com/Stung-with-Love-Poems-Fragments-Sappho-Sappho/9780140455571
  29. Theogony & Works & Days http://www.bookdepository.com/Theogony-Works-Days-Hesiod/9780199538317
  30. The Time In Between http://www.bookdepository.com/Time-Between-Nancy-Tucker/9781848318304
  31. The Turn of The Screw & The Aspern Papers http://www.bookdepository.com/Turn-Screw-Aspern-Papers-Henry-James/9780141439907
  32. Unfinished Tales http://www.bookdepository.com/Unfinished-Tales-Tolkien/9780261103627
  33. Vicious http://www.bookdepository.com/Vicious-Schwab/9781783290215
  34. Viper Wine http://www.bookdepository.com/Viper-Wine-Hermione-Eyre/9780099581666
  35. White Teeth http://www.bookdepository.com/White-Teeth-Zadie-Smith/9780140297782
  36. 2001: A Space Odyssey http://www.bookdepository.com/2001-Arthur-Clarke/9781857236644